On My Own - Part 1 +

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.
Psalm 37:7 NLT

I am not a person who likes to be still, nor am I known for waiting patiently when I think I can do it on my own. (And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that those of you who know me are laughing hysterically and shouting 'Amen'). God forgive me for that prideful attitude. Time for confession.

The truth is GOD alone gives me the energy and determination to do what should be done and the brain power to think, to see what can be done. However, at no time has He ever told me to run off on my own and do it. And all glory to God, He loves me so much that when I try to do it all on my own - especially when I'm so determined to do exactly that - He stops me.

Seven-and-a-half days in the hospital and over 5 hours to make a 30-minute trip home. Why? Because I was determined to do it on my own.

Drove myself to the hospital at 4 in the morning when symptom indications would be to call 911. Admitted for overnight observation and a cardiac work-up with a check-out time of 11am. My car was in the parking lot and I had the keys, and I could leave whenever I made up my mind to do so. At 10:03 the next morning, I told my brother, Joe, "They have 57 minutes to tell me something or I'm out of here." ...the same brother who Mom always sent to talk sense into me when, as a child, I was being obstinate about something. Determined to do it on my own... but Joe talked me into waiting.

The doctor showed up (after the 11am check-out time) to tell me that I had pneumonia and pleurisy of the left lung and that I would be staying at least "several days" and not going back to work until at least mid-week the following week. Not what I wanted to hear. However, If I had left at 11:01, instead of waiting, I would have gone back to work and worked myself into an early grave. 

I was there for seven-and-a-half days...definitely a few more days than 'several' by my definition. My prayer partners advised me to take advantage of the time and hear what God had to say. Here's the confession. I did not. I was upset about being there. I was angry about not being in control of my life.

In a hospital, it doesn't matter if the door is closed. It doesn't matter if there is a sign on the door that reads, "Do not disturb until 5am." It doesn't matter if you don't usually eat until 10am. Breakfast is served between 7a and 8a, lunch is served between 11 and 12:30, and supper is served between 4:30 and 5:30. We've all heard horror stories about hospital food, but God, in His infinite mercy, allowed me to be in a hospital where Ms. Gloria and Ms. Carmen know their way around in a kitchen and can make a heart-healthy version of Carne Guisada that rivals Gringo's restaurant and have loving hearts to boot. Oh, the mercies of God...

The great news in all of it is that my heart is "strong as a horse" - I just also happen to be built like one. (I thought the analogy was very funny because at this time, I work for Mustang Engineering and our company logo is a blue horse. My boss and I both agreed that I might be carrying that "company girl" image just a little too far.) God has such a great sense of humor.

I've realized that I can't write in one sitting all that God is teaching me through this; it is much! So I have added 'Part 1' to the title and will continue tomorrow.

Prayer:

Father,
          Thank You for loving us enough to correct us for our greater good in You. Thank You for tears which are also good for the washing of our souls. Keep our hearts and minds focused on You and Your will. In Jesus' Name we pray. Amen